6 Signs That You Need To Dump Your College Roommate

As if you don’t wade through enough crud on a regular basis just to get your coursework turned in, make the grade on tests and get that hottie across the aisle to pay attention to you; when you go home, you also have to deal with your cruddy roommate. You’ve tried everything—begging, pleading, threatening, building a Roommates Bill of Rights and chore chart—and still, you do all the cooking, cleaning, purchasing of groceries and of course, your roommate owes you the past three month’s rent on top of it all.

Okay, so maybe your roommate isn’t that bad. But here are some signs that it’s time to dump your roommate and bring someone better in to share your blissful student apartment.

1. You come home to a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the apartment door almost every night. If you’re constantly crashing on the neighbor’s couch because your roomie doesn’t know how to keep their pants on or at least keep it in their bedroom, you only have two choices: fry the pleasure center of their brain or kick them out.

2. The Hazmat team called to schedule your roommate’s weekly cleaning session…or they should have. If your roommate’s room is so completely disgusting that you’re afraid not only to walk in, but also to walk by, it’s time for the proverbial “come to Jesus/Allah/Buddha/insert your name here.”

3. You haven’t slept in three weeks because of the noise and neither have the neighbors. Some people are clearly missing most or all of their hearing hair cells by 22 years of age. And your roommate is one of them. While that explains the 200-decibel, rock-music marathon coming from your apartment, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve sleep or the ability to hear properly for the next 20 years.

4. Your roommate has paid only 1/3 their rent since the day they moved in. Taking on a roommate is supposed to help you mitigate costs. And whether your roommate has fallen on hard times or is your best friend doesn’t matter. Being in college is about nursing your grades and your term paper, not mothering your roommate. If your roommate misses rent or bills more than once, it’s time to say goodbye.

5. Somehow, you went from spending $50 per week on groceries to $150 per week on groceries but you’re not eating more than usual. If your roommate is constantly taking your food without reimbursing you and refuses to purchase their own or do the cooking to help pay off the expense, you should be lighting a fire under their butt all the way to the door.

6. Your roommate has never done any chores. Living in the real world means accepting real-world responsibilities and real-world consequences. If your roommate refuses to wash dishes, cook meals, vacuum the apartment, clean the bathroom or take out the trash, it’s time for you to take out the trash—the trashy roommate, that is.

Remember, college is about learning how to live in the real world. For everyone. And if your roommate refuses to grow up and live in the real world, it’s up to you to send them back to Mommy’s house.