How To Deal With Thieving Roommates

Nightmare roommates are few and far between, despite what you may have heard to the contrary. You may get a roommate who bugs you, stinks, or otherwise raises your blood pressure—go ahead, check it for free once a week at the local grocery store—but a roommate who truly makes your skin crawl and then slough off is not common.

A conniving, thieving little monkey of a roommate, though, is more common than you may be prepared for. But there are ways to keep your stuff safe from your own personal thief in the night.

Get creative with your hiding places.

You’re a smart kid—you made it to college, right?—so you should be able to think up a thousand or more excellent hiding places for valuable belongings, cash, and other stuff you don’t want your roommate getting their greasy hands on. Ziploc bags make it possible to hide your cash and other small valuables in shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and other bottles while they’re still in use (remember, if your roommate constantly takes your bath items, this might not be the smartest idea).

If you have fish, you can typically perform the same trick under the rocks in the fish tank (careful with that one though; you don’t want to choke Mr. McGill). Also, consider pulling up a floorboard or sideboard in your student apartment. Cash can be hidden between the pages of books, inside your computer tower, or inside a feather pillow (get one that zips). And if all else fails, hide it in your roommate’s room.

Steal something of theirs and hold it for ransom.

If you elect to teach your roommate a lesson, remember that this plan can and often does backfire. If your roommate is stealing things, make sure you hide your most valuable and treasured items before you take something of theirs or it could become a war that won’t stop until one of you moves out.

Keep track of everything they take and send them a bill.

If you don’t want your roommate taking things without asking, you can always put that in your Roommate’s Bill of Rights—make sure to list the consequences (e.g., bill for items, you stop paying rent until the items are repaid, etc.)—and then force them to make reparations.

Call the police.

If more than $2000 of your belongings and cash go missing, you’re well within your rights to call the police. Before you do, make sure your roommate knows that you plan to call in the authorities. If the threat alone doesn’t scare them straight, a visit from the campus police or the local authorities will do the trick. Take note: you probably will lose your roommate/friend if you use this method.
Nightmare roommates come one in a hundred. But if you’re one of the unlucky ones, the experience can leave a bad taste in your mouth and ruin all the good memories you built up during your college years.