Long Distance Parenting: Handling Problems

With your child away at college, you’re happy to have the house to yourself but you’re probably still getting used to the fact that the once incredibly short leash you had on your child (even if you let them think it was long and lax) has now 50 times the length it once had.

Don’t worry—even though your growing genius isn’t at home getting the parenting you want to provide, there are still ways you can handle the disasters your student may face from afar and over the phone.

Handling bad grades.

Every student handles college differently and you shouldn’t allow past successes or failures to create expectations for you or determine how you speak to and treat your student. If your child received perfect grades in high school, they may not achieve those same marks in college. You should be prepared for this possibility and be at the ready to console rather than condemn your student’s supposed failures. Remember, there’s a first time for everything and college is a learning experience. If your student’s scholarships or college experience are in danger of being frittered away by poor grades, suggest a meeting with the ombudsman or a tutor.

Handling bad roommates (or worse, roommates of the opposite sex).

Now that your student is living on their own, they’ll have to learn to deal with obstacles—yes, even people obstacles such as bullies and thieves—on their own. Offer your student suggestions such as a Roommate’s Bill of Rights or help them find another apartment (if the going has simply gotten too rough). If you simply don’t like your child’s roommate because they are of the opposite sex, a different religion, a different race, or just because, the best thing you can do is hold your tongue. Living away from home is your student’s opportunity to build their own opinions of people and the world. And the more you try to force your views on them from afar, the more they will push you away.

Handling the whiner/crier.

It’s time for your student to grow up and that means you have to learn how to make them make decisions and deal with their problems. If all your child ever does is whine, moan, and complain when you speak with them, try saying, “I’m sorry you never have anything positive to say. Why don’t we hang up and when you found something good to share with me, you can call me back.” Then hang up and wait for them to call you.

Handling the boyfriend/girlfriend situation.

If you didn’t have the sex talk with your child while they were still in high school, you’re in for a big shock. Six months into college life and them living in their own student apartment is NOT the time to have the sex talk. By then, your child will probably know more about sex than you do, if they didn’t already. And chances are, if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend, they’re having sleepovers. Whether or not you like the significant other is yet another place to hold your tongue. This is your child’s time to meet new people, date, and experiment…and experiment they will.

Remember, getting used to your student being in college is never easy. All you can do is hold onto your hats and your butts and just hope it doesn’t go down in flames.