Long Distance Parenting: Keeping In Touch

It’s the proudest/saddest/most liberating day of your life—the day your child is off to college. And whether it’s their first year or they’re headed back after a summer at home, you’ll be hard-pressed to keep in touch without complaints—“Mom, stop smothering me!” “Dad, why don’t you ever call me?” Keep these tips close at hand and top of mind every time you reach out to your progeny and you may just find that communicating with your kid isn’t as horrible as you’ve let it be all this time.

How often should you call?

You’ll want to call your kids everyday if you’re a normal, worrying parent. On the other hand, if you’re down on the other end of the extreme, you may be one of those parent who can’t wait to ditch your kid at their student apartment, dump your cell phone in the trash, and hit the open road. But both of these extremes can leave you high and dry (and not to mention in the dog house) with you student.

Just because your student has gone to college and is most likely living in their own apartment, experiencing college life the way a college student should, doesn’t mean that they don’t need to hear from you. But practice moderation. When your child lived at home you saw and talked with them every day. But now that they’re in college, the rules will change overnight. Literally. Try calling every other day or three times per week total. And remember, no panicky messages or calls to the campus police until your offspring has been incommunicado for at least 48 hours.

How often should you text, email, or send letters?

If connecting with your student over the phone isn’t going to happen in this century (or the next), try a method that will reach them on their time. Remember, your kid has school, activities, and work and they might not always be able to pick up the phone. But they can read a text or email and offer a response when they have time. A text message may be the quickest and least painful way to show you care as well as get a quick and easy “Yes, I’m still alive. I miss you, too,” back from your child. You can write an email any time of the day and then your student can reply when it’s most convenient for them—say, 3:00 a.m. And hand-written letters and cards? Believe it or not, your kid will be more likely to keep, display, and brag about this than anything else you give to them.

How often should you visit and/or send care packages?

If you want to keep your kid close to your heart, try sending a care package to their apartment once per month or every other month. Keep your visits to parent’s weekend or every six months. Never drop in unexpected. That’s the surefire way to kill your now-adult relationship with your blossoming big kid.