As a first-time renter, especially in student apartments, there’s a few things you need to learn involving etiquette, the first and foremost being that you can’t force anyone else to display any etiquette towards you–fortunately, displaying etiquette in grotesque amounts usually will get you somewhere, even with the most annoying roommates and neighbors.

But what exactly is etiquette? If you’re thinking it’s all pleasantries and small talk, you’ve got another thing coming, and it’s a thing you don’t want to experience too much of: a big fat reality check. Check out a few of the biggest etiquette rules for first-time renters below and keep yourself from embarrassment and of course, making too many enemies inside your student apartment and out.

Sit down and get to know your roommates

You have all semester/year to get to know your roommates, right? So why bother wasting all that time sitting down and talking to them? If you’re in a dorm or a campus apartment and you have roommates you’ve never met before, take this next sentence VERY seriously–campus staff doesn’t always pay attention to your surveys and…remember this, people LIE on those surveys because they don’t want anyone to think they’re too stingy or too lax. You may be the most relaxed person on the planet and willing to share anything and everything you have and get paired with a roommate who doesn’t want to share anything with anybody, least of all…you. Sitting down and asking your roommates point blank how they feel about certain situations–do you want to share the responsibility of doing dishes or should we each do our own? do you mind if I bring friends/my significant other over? what time do you go to sleep at night/get up in the morning? do you have allergies? what kind of music do you like and how loud do you listen to it?–can keep you from confrontations that occur nearly everyday for people who refuse to follow the first rule of communication…”seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Understand your surroundings

Are you on the second or higher floor of the building? If you are, consider the people beneath you before you start rocking out with your air guitar and chasing your roommates during a pillowfight at 2am. This is important no matter what setting you are in, but if you are in a standard apartment, you never know who is living below you–perhaps a grumpy police officer who loves to enforce the noise ordinance and peace hours for the apartment complex. On the flip side, if you’re on the bottom floor, you may want to make a point of meeting the people who live above you, befriend them and make sure they understand how important sleep is to you–this goes the same for neighbors who can keep you up all night if they really like to party. Also remember, if you are in the dorms or campus student apartments, there’s a chance your walls are made of cinderblock. That means noise travels further than you could ever have imagined possible.

Find out the rules and stick to them

It’s easy to break away from the “straight and narrow” when you’re a first-time renter living in a student apartment. But just like at home, student apartments, dorms and other housing facilities have rules and you are required to follow them. In addition to rules, they also have guidelines they strongly suggest but can’t typically enforce. You should familiarize yourself with these guidelines. If someone is angry with you and says you’re breaking the rules, you’ll always be able to intelligently work out the situation whether or not you are at fault, and if you understand the guidelines, you can always use them as a shield, “It’s not that I don’t want to, but the student apartment rules say that we can’t and I really need to keep out of trouble.”

Remember, when you’re living with and around others who aren’t used to you, it’s important to make an effort to get to know them and allow them to get to know you. It’s the easy way to keep yourself in check and those around you in check. After all, whether you like it or not, you’re all in it for the long haul.

Let’s face it. You grew up with your brothers and sisters and that…Well, let’s just say it wasn’t exactly easy.

The pushing, the shoving, the forced sharing; you couldn’t wait to get out of there. And now—you’re right back where you started. Wait a minute? What? College roommates are supposed to be your best friends! This has to be some sort of joke. They can’t be this terrible…roommates would never eat your food, use your shampoo or steal your clothes!! What do you do when the only way out leaves you back with pushy brothers and sisters?

Don’t give up hope just yet. You can get your roommates in line and make life a little easier without resorting to dirty tactics, illegal activity or going back to the zoo at home.

Chore charts are king

Although it sounds like a blast from the past, chore charts are actually effective. And they keep you from having to be the maid in your apartment or having to go on strike like the garbage collectors in Rome (seriously…that was disgusting). Of course, you’re thinking, “Chore charts don’t work.” But that’s why they come with punishments and rewards—for every chore you don’t finish on time, you have to put $5 in the chore jar. And the chore jar pays for cleaning supplies and of course, pizza night…but only for the roommates who did their chores. Get your roommates behind this idea and you’ll find yourself living in a clean, well-maintained and fair environment.

Establish boundaries

Let your roommates know from the very beginning exactly how you see things. If you don’t want them borrowing your stuff, make it clear. If your food is your food and nobody else’s, make it known. And remember, if that doesn’t work, the best thing you can do is purchase a small refrigerator and keep everything locked up in your room. Desperate times call for desperate measures, my friend, and nothing will make you more desperate than when your space and your belongings aren’t getting any respect.

Do what must be done

Doing what must be done does not mean you start fighting fire with fire. It means do exactly what you’d do at home: go to somebody with more authority and make the problem known. If you live in a student apartment on university property, chances are you have a Resident Administrator (RA) in your building. Your RA is there to help solve problems and disputes and to stop your roommates from stealing your stuff. If you live off-campus, try taking it to the management company; bug infestations and mold are problems they’ll want handled quickly, too.

Getting along with your roommates isn’t just about playing video games, eating pizza and watching movies when you’re supposed to be doing your homework. Getting along with your roommates is about communication, compromise and knowing when to “cry to Mommy.” After all, happiness isn’t about who has the power, but about who knows how to use the power around them to work things out.

If you’ve lived with roommates before, whether in a dorm or in a student apartment, then you already know the ups and downs.

Roommates can become your best friends or your worst enemies, each at a moment’s notice. It’s important to accept that living with them will change your life forever, and whether it’s a good change or a bad one is entirely up to you. Here are some tips for coping with the differences that will come from living with roommates.

Be prepared for them to change (and for yourself to change, too)

If you’ve lived with roommates over a period of time, you already know that their moods, likes, dislikes and overall attitude changes as they grow older and experience life on their own. If you’re new to having roommates (and especially if you’re rooming with friends from high school or college classes) it’s important to accept that the person you decided to room with might not be the same after five months of sharing an apartment with you. The same goes for you as well. You have the ability and the opportunity to change your outlook on life forever as you learn to live on your own, share space with others and make it through college.

Be a peacemaker

Even if peacemaker has not always been your traditional role in life, it’s important to learn to fit into that role at times in your adult life. Learning to make peace with others will not only keep you from losing roommates and friends, but it will also keep you at ease. Try reading “Leadership and Self Deception” and “The Anatomy of Peace” by the Arbinger Institute and help yourself cope with seemingly hopeless situations and day to day frustration.

Learn to share

When your roommate takes your favorite CD and pair of sneakers without asking, you won’t want to be a peacemaker at all. But reality is—it happens. And it will probably happen again. The best thing you can do for yourself and your blood pressure is to learn to share. The more you say, “Don’t touch my stuff and don’t even ask to borrow my stuff because you can’t,” the more often you will probably find it missing. If you offer to let your roommates borrow things, they’ll be more likely to respect your and ask your permission—no guarantees, of course.

Have more alone time

Crazy as it sounds, alone time is one of the best things you can do to make your life easier when it comes to your roommates. At first (if you’re new to roommates) you’ll believe that they’re supposed to always be there. But the truth is, every person and every relationship needs alone time. It’s where you reconnect with yourself, calm your nerves and feel human again.
Living with roommates is one of the veritable rites of passage when you go to college. And it can be one of the best experiences of your life, as long as you are willing to compromise and accept that nobody’s perfect all the time.  If all else fails and you need a new roommate, check out this roommate search.

You can read a thousand articles on how to get along with your roommates—about how to deal with them taking your stuff and your food without asking, about how to deal with them hogging the shower and never doing their chores.

But what could ever prepare you for the roommate that you just can’t learn to like and that just plain doesn’t like you? A thousand books on keeping your temper and keeping your heart at peace won’t prepare you for what’s in store when the war breaks out unexpectedly, but here’s a couple of things you can do to keep the flames in check and stop the fire before it brings the building down.

Figure out who the problem is

Reality is often tough to deal with. Nobody likes to admit that they’re the cause of the problem. But when you’re dreading the meet-and-greet with your roommate in the morning as you both head to the bathroom and you are constantly looking for reasons to go to bed early or to not come home at all, you need to assess where the problem lies. If your roommate is disrespectful of your belongings, your culture, your religion or your sexual orientation, or has a terrible lack of hygiene, bad sleep habits and bad study habits, it’s pretty clear where the problem lies…but remember that you are as annoying to them as they are to you.

Look inward

If you’re getting a new roommate every semester, it might be time to start thinking about what you can do to be more flexible with others. They can’t all be bad—okay, if your luck is terrible, then possibly—and it’s more likely that you’ve set unrealistic expectations for what you want from a roommate. You can’t expect them to have the same religion, values, preferences, study habits, sleep schedule, friends and personality that you have. Real life isn’t an Ayn Rand novel where all drones live happily together and the dissenters are tracked like beasts in the woods.

Have a contingency plan

When you get a roommate from…you know where…it’s best to have a contingency plan already in place. If you are the lead lessee on the lease, make sure to attach a rider that your new roommate must sign, stating that if the situation is not working for you, you may require them to vacate (and make sure it’s signed and notarized). Making sure the rules are clearly outlined prior to the move-in will help keep things running smooth. Note: If you live in the dorms, get on a waiting list for a single or the honors dorms.
While no amount of books can prepare you for every situation that comes up when you’re living with a terrible roommate, it’s best to know everything you can in advance about how to handle poor living arrangements. Check out Linda Fiore’s “The College Roommate from Hell: Skills and Strategies for Surviving College With a Problem Roommate.”

When you are looking for a new roommate that doesn’t “stink,” check out www.NoStinkyRoommates.com.

You’re finally out of that sardine can they call a dorm room and now you’re in need of a roommate to help cover the expenses of living in a student apartment as far away from campus as humanly possible—without needing a car, a bike or having to ride the bus, of course.

You’re writing the ad you’ll post up all over campus, at the local grocery store and at work. But what should you say? Here are some things to think about and include in your “Looking for a Roomie” advertisement.

Where?

While you don’t have to disclose the exact location of your apartment, giving your potential roomies an approximation of your location will help you snag a roommate faster than you would without including it.

How much?

Before you type in the exact cost of half the rent each month, consider a few other things: who has the larger bedroom, what is half the cost of utilities, cable and internet, the cost of sharing food and other expenses. Be sure to include the total cost of living per month and be sure to note what will be included and excluded from that amount.

Smoking or Non-smoking?

Whether you’re a chain smoker or vehemently against nicotine in all of its forms, you should state it loud and proud in your ad. Nothing will bug you, or your new roomie, more than finding out that little tidbit two days after they’ve moved in.

Male or female?

If you want only same sex roommates, make sure to type it out in bold lettering. You don’t want to waste your time or anyone else’s by forgetting that core piece of information.

Do they have to be a student at your college?

Plenty of non-students are out looking for a roommate every day. If you want your roommate to be attending college and to be attending your university, you should be sure to write that in your ad as well.

Parties, friends, sleepovers, etc.

You’re getting a headache, right? Who ever thought that writing an ad to find a roommate for your student apartment could take so much time and effort? If you don’t want parties at your place every Friday night, aren’t into friends hanging out until 2am and don’t want significant others or members of the opposite sex spending the night, you had better say it up front.

Other details.

Before you print off your “Desperately Seeking Roommate” ad, consider any other quirks you could live without. If you’re allergic to cats or your apartment complex doesn’t allow pets, remember to include that. And if your apartment management does background checks, you should type something like “Must pass apartment required background check.”

You’re not the only one out there searching for the perfect roommate and you can always go to http://www.nostinkyroommates.com to find your perfect roommate without posting flyers, taking out ads in the local newspaper or cruising the dorms like you’re searching for a date.

When you were younger you hated your brothers and sisters because you always had to fight over who got the big room, the new room or the better half of the room. Now that you’re in college and living in a student apartment, your reality isn’t much better.

Most apartments, whether it’s big or small, will have one room that is larger than the rest. And that means you’ll have a few things to decide that can’t be determined by rock-paper-scissors. Check out these plausible solutions for “the big room” and decide for yourself how you’ll handle your living arrangements.

The roommate with the big room will pay the cable and internet bill.

If cable and internet is fairly high priced in your area and especially if it is not included in the monthly rent for your student apartment, then you may want to consider the option of letting your roommate have the bigger room.

The roommate with the big room will pay 15% more rent.

If taking on the cable or internet bill is not your style or your roommate threatens to find a different apartment, suggest that the roommate with the bigger room simply pay more rent since that roommate will be occupying more of the livable space.

The roommate with the big room will do 10% more chores.

Some roommates will fight you tooth and nail when you ask for greater monetary compensation in return for giving them the bigger bedroom. They may even argue that they “have more stuff” so “it’s only natural” or “only fair” that they get the bigger room. If this happens, suggest that the recompense be more chores. If your roommate is vying for the big room and hates chores, make sure you’re suggesting an amount you can live with should they give it up to you.

The roommate with the big room will pay the utilities.

Again, monetary recompense may not sit well with you or your roommate as you bid against each other for the big room, but it’s always a nice offer when you’re trying to get what you want.

You’ll flip a coin. If all else fails, you can always flip a coin.

That way, you each have an equal chance of winning the big room in the student apartment. Beware this game of chance, though, as it may lead to “best 2 out of 3, 7 out of 8” and hurt feelings.

You’ll switch off each semester.

If you decide to split all of the chores and expenses evenly and agree that you’ll switch off each semester or every six months, be sure you get that in writing with your roommate and that you keep track of damages and cleanliness on each switch.
Naturally, if you already live there and they’re moving in later, you can consider taking the bigger room with no recompense for them.

Regardless of whether you live on campus or in a student apartment off campus, you’re bound to run into the roommate of your nightmares. Even rooming with your best pal from high school will teach you a few things you never knew and certainly didn’t need to know about him or her.

So what can you do to get through without having a nervous breakdown or picking up your roommates’ more eccentric qualities?

Expect that at some point you will see your roommate less than fully dressed.

Unfortunately, it’s bound to happen. You may have a roommate who’s ready to share their nakedness with everyone…yes, everyone. Or you may simply walk in on them sharing their nakedness with just one other person…or with just themselves. The point is, you should be prepared. Laughter may be the best medicine for awkward situations, but even better are locking doors, signs and a Roommate Bill of Rights that disallows perpetual nakedness—unless you’re into that kind of thing. If you need more information on dealing with the naked roommate, pick up a copy of “The Naked Roommate” by Harlan Cohen—it’s required reading at several major universities—or head to www.thenakedroommate.com.

Just because your friends and roommates do it doesn’t mean you have to (and that goes for drinking, getting high or being naked).

One of the hardest parts of college life is learning how to fit in. But you can fit in without doing the stupid and/or illegal things your roommates and friends do. If you’re underage, drinking may help you look cooler and older to the drunk morons at the party, but it’ll also get you that much closer to jail. Drugs…are illegal. Enough said. And if you don’t want to do it, then don’t. No one can make you do something you don’t want to do. If the pressure is too much, then just leave the room/party. Remember, not everybody drinks, does drugs and insists on walking around naked (even when sober). Give it time and you’ll see that it’s easier to find sober people than it is to find drinkers, tokers and…the naked.

Being drunk, high or exceedingly eccentric does not actually add to your college experience.

Regardless of how “deep” your roommate thinks he is when he’s high, the truth is, that paper he’s writing with the power of weed is going to make zero sense. If you’re gunning for a smooth ride to graduation, just remember that college is best experienced sober and comfortable, if not fully clothed. Whether you’re on top of your game or at the bottom of a glass is your choice to make. So you just have to ask yourself a couple of questions: 1) Do I want pictures of my college fun to be forever posted on MySpace and Facebook? 2) Do I want to actually cause the Freshman 15? 3) Will it actually make me happy?

The good and bad memories of your college experience are ultimately dependent on the life choices you make as you go along. And how you handle naked, drunk and high will rank high amongst those memories. Choose wisely.

Nightmare roommates are few and far between, despite what you may have heard to the contrary. You may get a roommate who bugs you, stinks, or otherwise raises your blood pressure—go ahead, check it for free once a week at the local grocery store—but a roommate who truly makes your skin crawl and then slough off is not common.

A conniving, thieving little monkey of a roommate, though, is more common than you may be prepared for. But there are ways to keep your stuff safe from your own personal thief in the night.

Get creative with your hiding places.

You’re a smart kid—you made it to college, right?—so you should be able to think up a thousand or more excellent hiding places for valuable belongings, cash, and other stuff you don’t want your roommate getting their greasy hands on. Ziploc bags make it possible to hide your cash and other small valuables in shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and other bottles while they’re still in use (remember, if your roommate constantly takes your bath items, this might not be the smartest idea).

If you have fish, you can typically perform the same trick under the rocks in the fish tank (careful with that one though; you don’t want to choke Mr. McGill). Also, consider pulling up a floorboard or sideboard in your student apartment. Cash can be hidden between the pages of books, inside your computer tower, or inside a feather pillow (get one that zips). And if all else fails, hide it in your roommate’s room.

Steal something of theirs and hold it for ransom.

If you elect to teach your roommate a lesson, remember that this plan can and often does backfire. If your roommate is stealing things, make sure you hide your most valuable and treasured items before you take something of theirs or it could become a war that won’t stop until one of you moves out.

Keep track of everything they take and send them a bill.

If you don’t want your roommate taking things without asking, you can always put that in your Roommate’s Bill of Rights—make sure to list the consequences (e.g., bill for items, you stop paying rent until the items are repaid, etc.)—and then force them to make reparations.

Call the police.

If more than $2000 of your belongings and cash go missing, you’re well within your rights to call the police. Before you do, make sure your roommate knows that you plan to call in the authorities. If the threat alone doesn’t scare them straight, a visit from the campus police or the local authorities will do the trick. Take note: you probably will lose your roommate/friend if you use this method.
Nightmare roommates come one in a hundred. But if you’re one of the unlucky ones, the experience can leave a bad taste in your mouth and ruin all the good memories you built up during your college years.